Do you say yes when you mean no? Do you sacrifice your needs for the sake of others. Always putting yourself second ends in pain. I totally understand, that was me I never spoke up and was a chronic yes person. By using these tips I've learned along my journey I was able to break free from that pattern.
1) Realize every time you say yes when you mean no you will either feel resentful of the other person or subconsciously act passive-aggressively. It’s best to get the conflict out in the open in the beginning. Most of the time people will understand. Think about it, would you want someone to do something for you, that didn’t want to do it?
2) If you are a chronic yes person, this actually makes people feel unsafe around you. Isn't that crazy how that is the one thing we are trying to avoid ends up happening? (Haha thanks law of attraction). You come across as more trustworthy when you are honest. We all have that one friend that never speaks their mind and you always end up having to look at body language to see if something is okay with them.
3) Something I learned from Teal Swan is to say, "Let me get back to you". This is good if you need time to process or are still getting out of the habit of immediately saying yes.
4) Saying no is a muscle the more you do it the easier it will get. It's going to be hard the first few times, but don't get discouraged. The more you do it the stronger that no muscle will get.
5) Realize you either say no to someone or you say no and turn against yourself. Betraying yourself and not standing up for yourself is how a lack of self-trust is formed.
6) Start doing what you want, and learn to be okay with conflict. I know that is a scary thing for any people-pleaser, but conflict is natural and normal. It is actually what deepens relationships. When there is conflict in a relationship, and the two people can come together to talk about it and move forward it builds a deeper level of trust. This is because you trust that person to come and talk about this instead of just ghosting you.
7) The Buddha says we all think we got time. We can literally die at any moment, I know we are eternal, but seriously. Wouldn't you regret wasting this lifetime living for other people? I’m not saying to not be of service, but you are more of service to the world when you are strong and in your power. This is because it gives others permission to be free. Live every day like it's your last, walk with the angel of death as Miguel Ruiz says in the 4 agreements.
I hope these tips helped. They might not be easy to implement at first but, just know through time and repetition you can break these old patterns.
Much love,
Genevieve
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